Constantly Thinking of sex


11 posts in this topic

Posted

Hi all, I don't know if i'm the only one but i'm constantly thinking of sex or thinking of touching myself to ease the urge. I am 32 average looking guy and just can't get enough of sex. I am working now thinking of it. It is becoming annoying for my wife as I want to play out all these fantasies but never have anyone who is will to try. Is there anything that I can do?

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Posted

Thanks for your post - I guess you really need to decide if you want to stop.  It sounds as though you know your behaviour is getting in the way of your relationship with your wife and it sounds as if it's getting in the way of your every day functioning as well.  Lots of people think about sex a lot, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you feel compelled to act out when you don't want to.  And/or you find yourself preoccupied by fantasies that you can't fulfil - then you have a problem.  The bottom line is that compulsive sexual thoughts, feelings and behaviours get in the way of you enjoying an 'achievable' sex life.  In other words, you find yourself always wanting more than what you currently have - rather than being able to enjoy what you have.  If you've not already done the assessment on this site - I recommend you complete it and maybe get in touch for some help.  Bw.

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Posted

Hi all, I don't know if i'm the only one but i'm constantly thinking of sex or thinking of touching myself to ease the urge. I am 32 average looking guy and just can't get enough of sex. I am working now thinking of it. It is becoming annoying for my wife as I want to play out all these fantasies but never have anyone who is will to try. Is there anything that I can do?

you're not alone. This is exactly how I feel. 

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Posted

and myself   too 

 

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Posted (edited)

Me too.
You are not alone. You've made an important first step by reaching out.

It's not only good to share thoughts about this, for me, I find it's essential. 
I actually came to the forum this morning as an alternative to looking at a P site. I needed to remind myself why I'm making this effort to stop. It helps!  

Best wishes to all, and keep fighting!  

Edited by Tortoise
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Posted

Hi,

Thinking about sex is usually common among guys. But if you think yours is something out of the ordinary then you really have to do something about it really fast before you start acting out your fantasies and that can land you in jail. You should read up how sexual addiction works here: Sex Addiction - The Problem, The Routines and Vicious Cycle.

I hope this helps

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Posted

Hi. It sounds like your fantasies are becoming a problem for you and may be getting out of control. It may be having a negative impact on other aspects of your life such as concentration on your work, your relationship and perhaps your social life. It would be interesting to work out how much of your day is spent in your day dreaming! 

Fantasies are in themselves not abnormal or problematic, but it's what you then want to do about them and the impact it has on your life that can become problematic. Try to seek some help from groups like SAA or SLAA, or a specialist therapist from ATSAC site 

Try to find replacement activities to keep your mind busy elsewhere. You could also try, when you're aware of where your thoughts have gone to, to concentrate your thoughts on to something else. 

Good luck. 

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Posted

Hi All, interesting reading however I feel strange as all the posts appear to be from men, I too think I have a sexual fantasy addiction. I am in a loving relationship with no intention of being unfaithful but think of sex constantly, from the moment I wake until I sleep, I worry my partner will get sick of my demands and try not mentioning the sex word too much,for fear of alienating him.

I have now felt drawn to online porn as a quick hit to try and give me some peace! Any advice would be welcome thanks 

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Posted

Hey,

I am the partner of a sex addict, and it sounds like you might be having difficulty.

I am a woman, and have a high sex drive. I'm a sexual person - I suppose I think about sex a fair bit throughout the day- but I would always look to flirt with or initiate sex with my partner. It never really occurred to me to look for that elsewhere, because I love intimacy and sexuality with a partner.

Over the years it emerged that actually it was my current partner who has serious and long running sex addiction problems. He thought about sex 24/7 and spent all his time looking at porn, contacting women, cheating on me, collecting images, living a double life... But all that time he could very easily have been having sex with me and we would both have been satisfied. I couldn't for the life of me understand why I was being largely ignored.

I wanted desperately to be more sexual with him, but instead he took his sex obsession and rejected me, and outpoured it in lots of damaging and unhealthy ways on to other fantasy women. In the end we both felt bad  - I had been rejected and was sexually starved and lied to, he felt terrible and was living double lives everywhere.

The point is, maybe your wife doesn't want to participate because it has become more like an ultimatum than a pleasurable activity - there is all this pressure on her. She probably feels bad too because you, probably without realising, might be acting stressed out or different because you feel frustrated. Women don't tend to feel sexy when things are stressful, men are the opposite. Take the pressure off her, show her some attention, give her a massage... make her feel special and try to satisfy HER. I'm sure she will be happier and more open with you in bed with you when it stops being weird and obsessive. (I really don't mean that to sound rude)

If it interferes with your day to day life, read Paula Hall's book on Sex Addiction. It is very helpful.

Sexuality should be the joyful fire in your soul, not the source of pain.

Hope you find some peace

XXXX

 

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Posted

Hi All, interesting reading however I feel strange as all the posts appear to be from men, I too think I have a sexual fantasy addiction. I am in a loving relationship with no intention of being unfaithful but think of sex constantly, from the moment I wake until I sleep, I worry my partner will get sick of my demands and try not mentioning the sex word too much,for fear of alienating him.

I have now felt drawn to online porn as a quick hit to try and give me some peace! Any advice would be welcome thanks 

Hey Ava,
My personal situation is pretty complex, but I definitely found that the more I tried to talk about the lack of sex in our relationship, or lack of intimacy, the worse it became. Even when I would make advances in the evening, I was rejected very often, and the more I tried to turn him on, the more he pushed me away. Only now that we have come full circle to the real root of our relationship problems, have we been able to have a satisfying sex life.  (It turned out he had been cheating on me for years and had long running sex addiction problems) But In terms of worrying about alienating him, I think it might be part of the male brain not being able to cope with feeling they cant satisfy a woman. Egos are very fragile sometimes. In my head when I would say to my partner "I love you, I enjoy sleeping with you, let's do that more often please" it read in his head as "You don't satisfy me, I am going to leave you for a man with a ten foot penis who will sleep with me 17 times a day" or something equally as crazy.
Do you have a very active sex life? You could try talking to him openly and say "I have a high sex drive, which I would like to share with you because I like it when we both feel good" or something else kind of positive?
Good luck!

XXXX

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Posted

 But In terms of worrying about alienating him, I think it might be part of the male brain not being able to cope with feeling they cant satisfy a woman. Egos are very fragile sometimes. In my head when I would say to my partner "I love you, I enjoy sleeping with you, let's do that more often please" it read in his head as "You don't satisfy me, I am going to leave you for a man with a ten foot penis who will sleep with me 17 times a day" or something equally as crazy

FWIW In my relationship, I felt this was more a function of the (dis)honesty going on rather than an ego or insecurity. I think I got so used to always hiding part of myself (and my behaviours) that when my wife would actually be open and vulnerable I would find that very hard to accept at face value and instead put my own spin on it. I see it as a function of broken communication more than anything. I couldn't be honest with myself, my own thoughts and feelings nor be vulnerable about it. So when my wife could be so with me, it was puzzling and wouldn't make sense. I would find alternative explanations to rationalise my acting out - she must be lying about enjoying it or being satisfied, therefore she's rejecting me, therefore I am justified in running off to my fantasy world porn harem. This is the kind of messed up thought process that goes on inside an addict's mind. I would project my inner anger gets outwards at my partner, sadly.

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