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A year into recovery

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Posted

12 months ago I was about to go on a Recovery Intensive with Paula.  I had been exposed to porn from the age of 9 or 10, struggled with compulsive masturbation since puberty, compulsively watched internet pornography wasting hours most weeks and started visiting sex workers over the previous 4 years.  

9 months previous to going on the course I began to come to my senses - that I needed help and that the road I was on was leading me down into greater risk and ultimately destruction.  I came across Paula and went into counselling in January.  She was keen for me to go onto the intensive course but I wasn't ready, and to be honest a bit sceptical.  

The counselling was helpful, but the residential intensive was life-changing.  On it I got to the point of desperation, committing myself to doing whatever it takes to get free from this destructive addiction - even to the point of deciding to tell my wife who had no knowledge of what I was up it.  The course empowered me to make different choices.

I could write so much about the journey over the last year.  It has been incredibly difficult and challenging - at the same time it has felt good, so good - to be doing the right thing, living in honesty, being out of the bubble and being emotionally present to my wife.  It is possible, if you are desperate, to escape the slavery of this addiction - but you can't do it on your own.

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Posted

Hello PJ,

Thank you for your honesty and courage in posting here. I really appreciate hearing from someone who is further down the path than me and would hugely benefit from you sharing your experiences through your past year of recovery - the highs, the lows and important lessons you learned.

I can relate to many things you touch on here - being inside the porn bubble and definitely about not doing it alone. Without a doubt, that has been the single most important part of my recovery so far. Not just in doing Paula's recovery course and having a framework around addiction and understanding what I need to do but also - critically - becoming open and honest with other guys in the same boat and being able to empathise and support each other through the feelings we all struggle with. I tried for over ten years to deal with things on my own and I know I can't do that. It just doesn't work for me. I can't go it alone. I need other people and there are many other people like us out there as well as professionals who want to help.

It's a brave thing to do to open up and disclose to your wife. I know first hand that puts huge strain on a relationship and I think all partners need help as well to cope with it. It's a life changing revelation for both sides.

I wish you the very best in continuing your recovery and hope greatly you can share more of your experiences.

Peace.

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Posted

Thanks for posting, guys. Hope you're both still on the road to recovery.

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Posted

Hi, yes, I am now 2 years and a month into recovery and slip free (other than a minor slip at 9 months).  Paula tells me that after two years one's recovery is well established.  I feel great!  

Other than my wife, SAA has worked very well for me as an additional support.  I would recommend something like that to everyone.

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