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I really feel ill 🥺 his presence in the house is ruining my relationship & time with our 8yr old. As the accomplishment actor & liar he is... my husband can act like things are ok. He can compartmentalise and laugh & joke with little one while I’m sat catatonic & broken on the sofa. It’s his day off so there is no respite from his presence. I can’t bring myself to tell little one anything, he thinks Dads in the box room because of his snoring. He sees I’m not ok but I’ll just seem like the miserable cow while dad’s laughing & joking & it infuriates me because this is not my fault. I didn’t ask for any of this. I became the queen of trauma recovery work after those first two times years ago. I put a metric shit tonne of work in to try to claw back our little family & he’s done this to me & is again. I just want what I thought was real back 😭🤯🤬😭 I can’t stop crying. I really want my mum & I feel so small like a child. I’m really really hurting & the one one person I count on is the person who’s done this to me. I’ve nobody to hold me & comfort me.

A few months ago my boyfriend of a year and a half admitted to cheating on me. We got together when we were 16 and had a really loving relationship (well thats what I thought), we were serious and everyone was completely shocked that he cheated as it was something so out of character for him. I broke up with him but he still wants to be together, I don't know what to do. As weeks went by, more and more things were being revealed, he cheated on me multiple times, not just physically but by sending nude photos, flirting with girls, having files of over 1000 photos of girls we knew without their consent that he would use to masturbate to. I knew he watched porn but but I did not realise how immoral and indecent the type of things he would watch and how frequent it was. We had previously had a period of time where he seemed completely disinterested in me and he now admits that he was having romantic feelings for another person which he tried to pursue while we were together. He came to the conclusion that he was a porn, sex and love addict. He had this type of behaviour for years before we even knew eachother. He says he used the porn and photos of girls as a way to cope with his depression. He wants to change and has been partaking in the online community NoFap and will start seeing a psychosexual counsellor soon. Right now I'm waiting for a specialist for their opinion on whether or not he is an addict because at least that way I would have some closure. Hes dealt with severe mental health issues for years, throughout his adolescene. I have remained friends with him as I deeply care for him and love him. But it is also largely due to the fact after the breakup his mental health plummeted and he is still struggling with feelings of suicide after several attempts. This time has been really intense but he is being put into counselling for his depression and I've been receiving counselling myself too. Hes fully aware about how I feel. I love him but I am not in a place to have a relationship at all let alone him. I know I could find someone else, even being single now I have had casual encounters with people. But despite everything I love him so much. Maybe I'm being young and stupid but I thought I was going to marry this guy. We will both be moving away to go to university (not sure where yet) in Autumn this year and I have tried to explain to him how we are so young and have so many opportunities ahead of us to meet someone else. But hes convinced that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I tell him how unrealistic that is but he just tells me its what he want. So really, when I'm ready and he's recovering, do I try again? Is it worth it? Another complication is that after all this I'm refusing to be long distance. I wish someone would just give me their honest opinion and advice. Please help