Like so many spouses, I have had a roller coaster ride with my husband. He has been a porn addict for most of our 33 year marriage. He has hurt me more than I can bear. I became depressed and am still on anti-depressants. To cut a long story short, after much rowing, he finally sought help. But I don't want to talk about him. I want to talk about how I feel.
I am no longer depressed but I am not happy. I hate my husband for hurting me repeatedly, for making false promises, for ignoring me because he thought he would be better off on his own with free access to porn. At the same time, I still love him because in most other areas, he is my friend. But my hurt and hate dominate and the only way I can get free of it is to be indifferent to him. I tell myself "I don't care." and it makes me feel better. I do realise that this is not a good way for a marriage to continue. I read that indifference is the real killer in a relationship. I have a lovely family. I want this lovely family to continue. But I don't know how to make my marriage better. We went to Relate, but they said they could not work with us until he had been treated for his porn addiction. I went to see 2 counselors to help with my conflicting emotions and although they were very nice and empathic, I did not find it useful. Both of them suggested that I leave my husband.
The question is How do I stop hating my husband? How do I stop the Indifference?