Thank you for having the courage to acknowledge that porn is an issue for you. You might find it helpful to access the following website: www.pornaddictionhelp.co.uk this is a free resource that might be a helpful kickstart in getting support. Hope this helps. Christine
Hi you might find it helpful to use the kick start recovery kit this is a free self help resource for sex and porn addiction and this may give you some direction the website address is: www.pornaddictionhelp.co.uk it might then be worth looking at meeting with a therapist to discuss your direction in more detail. Christine
Kazzy The situation you are in sounds very difficult. I am wondering what support you are receiving at the moment? Violence is not acceptable in any situation and you may want to consider contacting an agency who support people who have experienced domestic abuse. The anger and intimidation and violence are not part of an addiction and cannot be justified in this way. As a partner, of someone with an addiction you may also find it helpful to seek support and have therapy for yourself. So that you can talk through your own feelings and the sense of craziness you are experiencing. Not knowing where you are or where you stand and not knowing whether one day you will be loved or hurt sounds unsafe and confusing. Perhaps it will help if you consider what is right for you and what is acceptable for you. I hope you find the courage to make some decisions that are about your self care and support. Take Care Christine
Bailey Really pleased to hear that you want to look at doing some research in this area, why don't you contact Paula Hall and see whether your research could be beneficial to both yourself and her organisation. Regards Christine
Addictions often develop because we need to soothe (makes me feel better) and this can be because of unmet needs and issues that we are often unaware of, or because we don't feel we are 'good enough' because of what has happened to us or what has been said to us in the past. Addressing the unmet needs are an important part of addressing the behaviour and moving on into recovery. Keeping the addiction alive will reinforce the negative beliefs and keep you in the cycle of addiction. You have already shown great motivation and courage in the things you have put in place to change your life, but perhaps you need to think about getting support to deal with the unmet needs, so that you can feel better without the need to self soothe. Recovery is possible. Christine
Hi Paulos Thanks for having the courage to look at the issue and ask for help, it takes courage to begin the process. It might be good, if you have not already looked to explore the other areas of the website, also consider buying the book Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction by Paula Hall. The nearest face to face support is in Sheffield via one to one therapy, we also offer one to one support online. I have attached information on the Hall Recovery Courses for your information but the intensives run in the Midlands and the 12 week courses run in London. We are looking at setting up an online course and this might be of interest to you if you are unable to travel to attend a 6 day intensive. You may also find it useful to look at the following www.pornaddictionhelp.co.uk Hope this helps feel free to contact us for further information Christine
The Hall Recovery Course Leaflet.pdf
The Laurel Centre Leaflet.pdf
An addiction is not a rational behaviour, which is why it often makes no sense, whenever we try to make sense of it. The escalation of behaviour and the very nature of addiction often means that lines are crossed, these lines can represent someones values, behaviours, beliefs. Part of the process of recovery is about someone reclaiming who they are and understanding their own addictive behaviour patterns. Separating out who the person is and how the addiction has impacted them can take time and this is difficult to do when you have been hurt as a result of the behaviour. This does not excuse the behaviour or take away the hurt but it does explain the reasons at some level. Take care and look after yourself Christine
Katie How awful for you to discover this, you are very brave to write on the forum. Right now it sounds like you are still in shock following the discovery and this will make your day to day functions very difficult. I hope your partner is able to seek help for a porn addiction, this addiction can make you behave in ways that do not represent who you really are, like all addictions they usually develop because you are trying to deal with something that causes you pain, the internet provides the opportunity to develop this addiction and before you know it your further into the addiction and wonder how you ever got their. At this moment in time you, may need to give yourself time before making any decisions about what to do or to work out how to feel, finding support through an agency who supports people with the addiction and supports partners might be the answer to getting help, so that you can make sense of the situation you find yourself in. When you have a quiet moment to yourself I wonder if it would help to have something that you can focus on that allows you time to relax without having the trigger of the images, which will cause you to feel more trauma and upset. Perhaps get a book, or have some meditations you can read to affirm who you are, your own sense of self care is vital during this time and you can take time to work out what is right for you. Take care Christine
Hope the support your getting works out for you and that you receive the specialist treatment for sex addiction in a way that helps you and your relationship. Brave decisions and they show that you really want change.
Johnny Hope you are okay, it sounds like the situation is very difficult for you and that you have been trying to find a solution. Your circumstances are sadly very common for many, I hope you have been able to find the support you need to begin the road of recovery from Porn and Sex addiction.
Have you seen the book on Confronting Porn, it is for Christians, you may find this book supportive in addressing your issues. Also see if the charity Naked Truth can be a place of hope for you. Is their a way of being able to socialise more in Church activities to reduce your isolation? Hope things work out for you. Christine
Mel, I am sorry to hear that you have found yourself in this situation, but their is hope. The reason you find yourself in this situation might be to do with how you manage your emotions and the expectation of being married and feeling unloved sounds like this was too much for you and your response was to self soothe in your addiction. Dealing with emotions and the underlying emotional pain of why you self soothe in this way is key. You might want to consider having therapy or attending to address this. What has happened cannot be undone but it does not have to mean total destruction. Christine
Good to hear that he has acknowledged his need for help and booked an appointment to see a counsellor, it is important that he sees a counsellor who has specialised training in this area so that he gets the right support. Counselling can help someone understand and look at the underlying causes for their own behaviour and they can then work towards making changes. Counselling can also be a great benefit for a partner who is reacting to what they have discovered, often suffering and in shock, how can you clearly know what to do at this stage, seeing a counsellor for support can help with sorting out your own thoughts and reactions, it can also give you a sense of control over your own situation. Ranting is fine, hope you find direction soon