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Christine

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  1. Christine

    I have a problem

    Rob Good to hear that you are acknowledging that you do have a problem, you might find it helpful to go to www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk and if this confirms anything for you then seek support. You have made a first step Warmest wishes Christine
  2. Christine

    He doesn't see anything wrong.....

    Laura thank you for having the courage to come onto the site and share. Firstly, it is clear that you love your husband, it's his behaviour that is causing the concern and is causing you a level of distress. Clearly he is asking or involving you in behaviour which sounds like it is compromising who you are, perhaps you need to remain honest with both yourself and him about what behaviour is okay for you and not okay for you. You might find it helpful print off materials or buy books, listed below, that can help both of you consider what might be happening for him. You could also ask him if he would be willing to look at an online resource; www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk You might also find the resources on the www.recoverynation.com useful 1. Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction, Paula Hall 2. Sex Addiction the Partner's Perspective, Paula Hall Paula has also done a ted talk which you may find helpful to view. I could suggest lots of other resources but perhaps this will be a good starting point for you. Take Care Christine
  3. Christine

    Maire

    Hi Maire Thank you for having the courage to write on the forum, it is clear that you care deeply for your partner and you can see he needs support to understand how much this is affecting your relationship. However, unless he recognises that what he is doing is causing harm in the relationship then he may not want to acknowledge that he may have an issue. Initially, if you have not done so already, it might be helpful for you to discuss what is acceptable and not acceptable within the relationship. Then to agree boundaries and what will happen if the boundaries are not maintained. So, if looking at porn is not acceptable within the relationship then that is agreed and if this is not maintained then you agree how this will be managed; for example, he agrees to look at whether his behaviour is harming both him and the relationship because it is out of control, and/or you agree to not have physical contact until he stops using porn a couple of months. This is not a question of whether porn is right or wrong it is a question of whether the behaviour is causing harm, it sounds like it is causing pain and impacting upon how you feel within the relationship. You might find the following helpful; www.pornaddictionhelp.co.uk, www.yourbrainonporn.com and the book Sex Addiction: The Partner's Perspective.
  4. Christine

    Feeling betrayed ... Again

    KT thank you for posting what you are going through and how you are feeling, it is an awful position to be in. Given your recent discovery, what you are feeling is completely understandable, whether you decide to stay in the relationship or the separation is ongoing, his recovery is down to what he decides to do. What is important for you is that you take care of you, give yourself time and space and manage your own feelings of hurt, anger and despair. Maybe with how you are feeling at the moment it is not a good time to make any decisions about the relationship but instead focus on taking care of you. Take care Christine
  5. Christine

    Polygraph Test Concerns

    To be able to respond to your concern I would need to know more about the type of test your husband did and also whether this also involved a therapeutic disclosure. I would not suggest a polygraph without the couple firstly undertaking a therapeutic disclosure.
  6. Christine

    Sexy images

    Millie Perhaps you could share with him why this is hurting you and ask him if he will stop because it is causing you hurt. I wonder how he would feel if you were doing the same but with men? The question to ask is why is he doing this when it is causing harm to his relationship and to you. Is this something he would be willing to stop if he knows it is hurting you.
  7. Christine

    New and ashamed

    Hi all Just wanted to let you all know, but particularly those who were seeking therapy for support, if people cannot afford the therapy offered by a qualified therapist at the Laurel Centre then where possible we can offer a reduced fee where you can work with someone who is a qualified therapist and who is training in the field of sex addiction. If you would still like support and have not been informed of this option please do not hesitate to contact the Laurel Centre and ask to be referred to a trainee therapist. Hopefully, this addiction will be one day be recognised in the same way that substance misuse is so that people can have access to support therapeutically, as part of a recovery plan. Take Care Christine
  8. Christine

    What I'm going through now

    Thank you for posting your story, this must have taken courage to face, write down and then decide to share. I hope your recovery goes from strength to strength.
  9. It might be worth speaking to someone at an organisation called Stopso or refer back to the Probation Service
  10. Hi The drip drip of disclosure and discovery is very painful and hurtful and it is important to allow yourself time, it is often difficult to make decisions when we are confused. Perhaps looking at the choices and talking though the pain and confusion are helpful to do with the counsellor. You have the option of considering a therapeutic disclosure which may help address the 'what you feel you need to know now,' it may also help you to think though the moving forward. Allow yourself time and when you are ready, the right to make a decision that is right for you. Ensure that you spend time taking care of you and not allowing this to dominate all of your day, although this is hard to do. Christine
  11. Hi It's a completely normal reaction to feel confused when you continue to discover more about the person you love and that he has an addiction of this nature, you have done the right thing by reaching out and getting support from a counsellor, if the counsellor is trained to support partners of people with addictions they will support you in addressing your confusion and being able to work out what is right for you. A therapeutic disclosure about all the behaviour may be beneficial to you before trying to make an informed decision. Talk this through with the counsellor as this may help you. Take care Christine
  12. Christine

    No compassion, no nothing

    I wonder if you need to allow yourself time before making any long term decisions, although whatever decision you make is yours to make and whether you stay together or decide to leave the relationship is completely your decision and their is no right or wrong decision in a situation like this. Christine
  13. Christine

    Only 18, is it worth trying again?

    Hi, just wondering, maybe it would be helpful if you did not put yourself in a position where you have to make a decision at the moment, it sounds like he has alot to sort out, you both have individual plans to attend Uni and that you have mixed views about the relationship. Just allow yourself time and permission not to have to make any further decisions for now and see how things go with your life and attending Uni. Time to grow and time apart might be helpful for you both right now and if you do decide to try again in the future then you might be clearer about one another's needs and feelings and what is okay for you within the relationship. Take care Christine
  14. Christine

    I really need help

    You can recover from this addiction and find other ways to manage past traumatic issues that have led to this need to self soothe and address the anxiety, have a look at the success stories on the forum and be encouraged - their is hope. Christine
  15. Christine

    End of 40-year marriage

    Thanks for having the courage to share your story on the forum, you have been through a long battle and I am glad that you have taken on the 3 C's in your own walk. I hope things work out for you in your future and that you are able to continue move away from destruction. Take care Christine
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