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  1. Christine added a post in a topic Do you ever know if you have the full story?   

    The drip drip of disclosure and discovery is very painful and hurtful and it is important to allow yourself time, it is often difficult to make decisions when we are confused. Perhaps looking at the choices and talking though the pain and confusion are helpful to do with the counsellor. You have the option of considering a therapeutic disclosure which may help address the 'what you feel you need to know now,' it may also help you to think though the moving forward. Allow yourself time and when you are ready, the right to make a decision that is right for you. Ensure that you spend time taking care of you and not allowing this to dominate all of your day, although this is hard to do. Christine
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  2. Christine added a post in a topic How do I know if he's telling the truth anymore?   

    It's a completely normal reaction to feel confused when you continue to discover more about the person you love and that he has an addiction of this nature, you have done the right thing by reaching out and getting support from a counsellor, if the counsellor is trained to support partners of people with addictions they will support you in addressing your confusion and being able to work out what is right for you. A therapeutic disclosure about all the behaviour may be beneficial to you before trying to make an informed decision. Talk this through with the counsellor as this may help you. Take care Christine
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  3. Christine added a post in a topic No compassion, no nothing   

    I wonder if you need to allow yourself time before making any long term decisions, although whatever decision you make is yours to make and whether you stay together or decide to leave the relationship is completely your decision and their is no right or wrong decision in a situation like this. Christine
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  4. Christine added a post in a topic Only 18, is it worth trying again?   

    Hi, just wondering, maybe it would be helpful if you did not put yourself in a position where you have to make a decision at the moment, it sounds like he has alot to sort out, you both have individual plans to attend Uni and that you have mixed views about the relationship. Just allow yourself time and permission not to have to make any further decisions for now and see how things go with your life and attending Uni. Time to grow and time apart might be helpful for you both right now and if you do decide to try again in the future then you might be clearer about one another's needs and feelings and what is okay for you within the relationship. Take care Christine
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  5. Christine added a post in a topic I really need help   

    You can recover from this addiction and find other ways to manage past traumatic issues that have led to this need to self soothe and address the anxiety, have a look at the success stories on the forum and be encouraged - their is hope. Christine
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  6. Christine added a post in a topic End of 40-year marriage   

    Thanks for having the courage to share your story on the forum, you have been through a long battle and I am glad that you have taken on the 3 C's in your own walk. I hope things work out for you in your future and that you are able to continue move away from destruction. Take care Christine
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  7. Christine added a post in a topic Struggling spouse   

    It might be helpful to find someone who can support you both in your relationship who is trained at dealing with porn addiction but who is also a trained sex therapist. It might also help to visit your GP and talk through the issues and to look at whether there are any medical aspects of the issue,  The site that this forum belongs to - 'The Laurel Centre' has trained therapists who could provide the appropriate support around relationships, sex, porn addiction and wanting to have a baby why not give them a ring and ask to speak with a therapist who is also trained in sex therapy. Your partner may need to address his underlying issues which led to the addiction as part of a recovery process and having a period of sexual abstinence, alongside recovery may help to reboot his system so that things improve for the future. Take care Christine 
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  8. Christine added a post in a topic Need support from other suffering from porn addiction   

    Thank you for having the courage to acknowledge that porn is an issue for you. You might find it helpful to access the following website:  this is a free resource that might be a helpful kickstart in getting support. Hope this helps. Christine
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  9. Christine added a post in a topic Really angry and unhappy with my addiction   

    Hi you might find it helpful to use the kick start recovery kit this is a free self help resource for sex and porn addiction and this may give you some direction the website address is: it might then be worth looking at meeting with a therapist to discuss your direction in more detail. Christine
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  10. Christine added a post in a topic Anger   

    The situation you are in sounds very difficult. I am wondering what support you are receiving at the moment? Violence is not acceptable in any situation and you may want to consider contacting an agency who support people who have experienced domestic abuse. The anger and intimidation and violence are not part of an addiction and cannot be justified in this way. 
    As a partner, of someone with an addiction you may also find it helpful to seek support and have therapy for yourself. So that you can talk through your own feelings and the sense of craziness you are experiencing. Not knowing where you are or where you stand and not knowing whether one day you will be loved or hurt sounds unsafe and confusing. Perhaps it will help if you consider what is right for you and what is acceptable for you. I hope you find the courage to make some decisions that are about your self care and support. Take Care Christine
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  11. Christine added a post in a topic University Dissertation on Sex Addiction...   

    Really pleased to hear that you want to look at doing some research in this area, why don't you contact Paula Hall and see whether your research could be beneficial to both yourself and her organisation. 
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  12. Christine added a post in a topic I can't stop paying for sex, getting ridiculous   

    Addictions often develop because we need to soothe (makes me feel better) and this can be because of unmet needs and issues that we are often unaware of, or because we don't feel we are 'good enough' because of what has happened to us or what has been said to us in the past. Addressing the unmet needs are an important part of addressing the behaviour and moving on into recovery. Keeping the addiction alive will reinforce the negative beliefs and keep you in the cycle of addiction. You have already shown great motivation and courage in the things you have put in place to change your life, but perhaps you need to think about getting support to deal with the unmet needs, so that you can feel better without the need to self soothe. Recovery is possible. Christine
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  13. Christine added a post in a topic North East   

    Hi Paulos
    Thanks for having the courage to look at the issue and ask for help, it takes courage to begin the process.
    It might be good, if you have not already looked to explore the other areas of the website, also consider buying the book Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction by Paula Hall. The nearest face to face support is in Sheffield via one to one therapy, we also offer one to one support online. I have attached information on the Hall Recovery Courses for your information but the intensives run in the Midlands and the 12 week courses run in London. We are looking at setting up an online course and this might be of interest to you if you are unable to travel to attend a 6 day intensive. 
    You may also find it useful to look at the following
    Hope this helps feel free to contact us for further information 
    The Hall Recovery Course Leaflet.pdf
    The Laurel Centre Leaflet.pdf
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  14. Christine added a post in a topic Need serious advice/support   

    An addiction is not a rational behaviour, which is why it often makes no sense, whenever we try to make sense of it. The escalation of behaviour and the very nature of addiction often means that lines are crossed, these lines can represent someones values, behaviours, beliefs. Part of the process of recovery is about someone reclaiming who they are and understanding their own addictive behaviour patterns. Separating out  who the person is and how the addiction has impacted them can take time and this is difficult to do when you have been hurt as a result of the behaviour. This does not excuse the behaviour or take away the hurt but it does explain the reasons at some level. Take care and look after yourself Christine
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  15. Christine added a post in a topic Need serious advice/support   

    How awful for you to discover this, you are very brave to write on the forum. Right now it sounds like you are still in shock following the discovery and this will make your day to day functions very difficult. I hope your partner is able to seek help for a porn addiction, this addiction can make you behave in ways that do not represent who you really are, like all addictions they usually develop because you are trying to deal with something that causes you pain, the internet provides the opportunity to develop this addiction and before you know it your further into the addiction and wonder how you ever got their. At this moment in time you, may need to give yourself time before making any decisions about what to do or to work out how to feel, finding support through an agency who supports people with the addiction and supports partners might be the answer to getting help, so that you can make sense of the situation you find yourself in. When you have a quiet moment to yourself I wonder if it would help to have something that you can focus on that allows you time to relax without having the trigger of the images, which will cause you to feel more trauma and upset. Perhaps get a book, or have some meditations you can read to affirm who you are, your own sense of self care is vital during this time and you can take time to work out what is right for you. Take care Christine 
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