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PhilippaAnn

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  1. PhilippaAnn

    Tell me what to do....

    I posted on here about 5 months regarding my situation and there's been development which isn't easy. The first thing I want to say is that I love my partner so much and I want to help him however, my actions are making this difficult. We had a good month or 2 and we went away to India for a month on our summer holidays. Whilst there, he proposed to me and I said yes. However, he didn't have a ring and he hadn't asked my parents and he wanted to it "properly". So we agreed we'd make it more official later on, maybe as soon as we got back. It was my birthday soon after the trip and he bought me another trip to prague in which he told me he was going to give me the ring then. We'd since been looking at them together. A day or two after that, I found he'd been sexting again. I asked him to tell me straight away if it happened again. This made me quite paranoid though, I began checking his emails every day to see if he'd been using dating websites or had messages from girls etc. Its made me very anxious and I've been taking this out on him. Last Friday he said he can't stand the way I make him feel so little, and I talk to him like shit and if it didn't change he didn't think we should get engaged (Prague is two weeks away). He's annoyed I snoop on him and says the lack of trust is making him doubt whether we should get engaged or whether I love him or even like him. This sent me a little crazy, as I took it as a sense of rejection. I tired to "perk up" but inside I've been am anxious wreck. He has been too I guess because last Monday/Tuesday he sent up a dating website account and started texting girls again. Which I found out about through my snooping. At fist he was made at me, asking why I'd been checking, said he did it on purpose to try and catch me out at snooping. Then later he broke down and said he realises this is an issue he needs to continue to try and get help (in the last 5 months he's seen one person once). I then told him that i'd told a couple of girls from work and my sister that a proposal was coming and he went nuts. Said id brought it on myself if i look like a dick if he doesnt propose. He was livid at me and started having a go again about how I talk to him like shit, how I've not gotten any better in the last month etc and he didn't wanna talk about this issue anymore, he just wanted to talk about nice things and have fun instead of us always talkngi about the relationship. I said I needed support as well to deal with it and he said he didn't know what more I wanted, He then didn't wanna talk anymore and he's gone to his grandmas. I'm so confused. Is this his illness? SHoul;d I just try and stop talking about it. Prague is one week away and I'm so anxious. I know I need to back off but I find it incredibly hard as it makes me feel so bad too Someone please advise!!!
  2. PhilippaAnn

    PLEASE HELP

    Also, and I know this sounds weird but I think he finds it very hard to empathise with me. If I struggle with food or feel ill he very often cant show me much sympathy. If I'm generally struggling with stuff he doesn't like it. He seems to love me when I'm being my best self. I find this quite hard as I can't always be my "best" self.
  3. PhilippaAnn

    PLEASE HELP

    Thank you for replying. We had a camping trip booked over the weekend which I decided to go. I wanted to give him the space and time just between us to be able to tell me about his problems which he did. He opened up a lot and was the most honest I've ever known him to be. I really didn't want to make it about myself, I just wanted to offer him support, but unfortunately I realise that was asking too much of myself. I now feel more confused than I ever did. We have an amazing dynamic when we're together, we just bounce off each other and I found that whenever we weren't thinking about the problem we just naturally ended up like this. To the point where at times I found myself thinking I could stay with him and help with conquer this. It's only now I'm home, and back to reality, I'm starting to wonder whether or not I can. I don't want him to feel messed about either. I love him very much and when it's amazing it is amazing. But has it only been amazing because he's been happy getting what he really needed elsewhere? If he finishes doing that will I actually be enough? Can he stop doing it? Is it going to be a year down the line I find out that he's been texting girls all over again? I'm worried I have no self respect and I'm a mug for staying with him. I'm worried that what he has isn't quite a full blown sexual addiction, rather he is just highly sexualised, a flirt and a cheat. I'm angry if he feels like he can say "it's not my fault" which he does, to a certain extent, believe. I have overcome an eating disorder, for the most part, but still suffer with low self esteem. I do understand how hard it is to actually talk about an embarrassing problem. However, with my low self esteem now comes me wondering what's wrong with myself. Is this the most unhealthy relationship ever? Can it actually survive? He says he will do everything it takes to prove he can stop this and that he wants to be with me. And I want to believe him so much, but is that to my own detriment? Sorry for the most confusing thread and all the questions, but if anyone could reply with any type of advice please do. Is there anyone out there in a similar situation that stayed with their partner and did it work?
  4. PhilippaAnn

    PLEASE HELP

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past 3 and a bit years. Last April I found a lot of messages on his phone and ever since we’ve had lots of problems. He’s been very sneaky with his phone, denied ever texting any girls (to the point where he called me crazy and asked if I’d imagined them), really had a go at me for not trusting him. This has gone on for the past year with various stuff and different situations. Today I’ve found out he’s been sleeping with another girl. He denied it vehemently at first but eventually has broken down to me. He’s told me that he can’t stop watching porn and masturbating. He told me that he has slept with this girl. He told me that his is continually texting girls off porn websites, or dating websites, and has been doing since we got together. He said it’s for instant gratification. He cried a lot down the phone, said he hates himself and that he wants to get “better”. I’m in a state of shock. He sounds like a desperate man who needs help. He said he’s sick of living this double life and always worried about me looking at his phone or going on his computer (to which now I look back, he has always been extremely weird about me being near his phone or computer). On the other hand I’ve been treated like absolute shit for the last 3 years with him making me feel so guilty for not trusting him. It’s so important that he’s trusted. He’s now said it’s because if I trust him, then I won’t look at his phone, then he can relax. I’ve asked him if he still wants to be in a relationship with me and that if he doesn’t or needs time alone then he needs to take it. He’s told me he does. I’m not sure what to do for the best to help him? Part of me wants to tell him to sod off as he’s treated me so badly but the other part is desperate for him not to feel so low. Can you please advise on what’s the best way forward to get him some help? Do I need to back off? Is it awful that I'm disgusted with him? And now questioning every time we have sex and what he feels with me?!!!
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