FeelBroken added a topic in Partner ConcernsHow to DiscussHi everyone, new here and desperate for some advice. Sorry if this is a bit long.
I'm looking for some advice on how to explain to my partner how I know he has been watching porn with me in the room. My daughter who is 24 recently stopped over and has just told me that while we were all sitting watching tv, he was blatantly watching porn on his ipad. (He's not her dad). He was sitting facing me so I wouldn't see it but obviously didn't realise that she could see it from where she was. It has made her feel very awkward about coming round and she doesn't want to me to tell him about this because she doesn't want to feel even more awkward around him and not be able to come to see me anymore.
I really need to speak to him about it as if he can't even refrain from looking at it for one evening then he clearly has a serious problem. I was aware that he prefers porn to sex anyway, we have only had sex twice in nearly 3 years, which I initiated and both times he lost his erection very quickly. He made excuses about it being his age (53) but refused to see a doctor.
I feel devastated, heartbroken and furious all at the same time. It's the disrespect of doing this right next to me that hurts the most. We have had conversations before and he has always said that he only watches it occasionally and that it is not the cause of our lack of sex life. We previously agreed he could watch porn as long as it didn't affect our sex life but I have let this slide due to being busy moving house etc. I know I should have addressed this sooner but he doesn't like speaking about it - and I didn't want to pressure him, given that during those last 3 years I have developed issues which mean I would be unable to have sex very often anyway even though I would like to.
I only found out on Friday afternoon and when I got home I put parental controls on the internet. As soon as I went for a shower he must have tried to get on it because when I came back down he was not on his ipad which is highly unusual (he says he plays golf on the internet!). He then cuddled up to me on the sofa, again unusual, and kept telling me how beautiful I am !! The cheek of the man amazes me. It's probably a good thing I couldn't say anything as there would have been big drama. Right now I feel repulsed by him. He clearly knows I have stopped his access to porn but still hasn't said anything. He has noticed I am very quiet and not myself but hasn't asked what is wrong, scared I will tell him. He has been really nice to me and took me out for dinner last night but still no moves sexually. Right now I would rather not have him anywhere near me and actually feel like leaving him.
Unfortunately he will still be able to look at porn on his phone and I can't do much about that but it may reduce his use a bit at least.
I have hardly slept the last two nights and am typing this as he sleeps peacefully upstairs. I so badly need to have this out with him but how can I explain how I know about it? I can't go on like this it's making me ill. Someone please help!!
- 4 replies
- 130 views