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g21

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  1. Hello, I am writing this post for some advice, and also for some peace of mind that the things I feel are fair. I'll start by telling you a bit about my situation. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 5 months. Not long I know, but we fell for each other quickly. He is kind, caring, funny, all the things you'd want in a partner. I found out about his problem when confiding in him about a previous boyfriend of mine, who had a severe porn addiction. We got to talking about porn and masturbation, and how he'd thought before if he had a problem. So, from that, and personal problems in the bedroom, my boyfriend decided he'd stop, to see if this would help to solve the problems we were having during our intimate times. However, it soon became apparent that it wasn't as easy as that for him. The initial conversation happened at the start of December, so since the past couple of months he's confided in how difficult it is to stop, how on a number of different occasions he's watched or listened to porn or masturbated. This was worrying enough for me, as something that seemed like an easy decision at the start was proving to actually show problems and habits that he couldn't kick. The thing that hurt the most though, was the lying. I'd ask him, due to knowing it was difficult, if he was managing okay and on a number of occasions he'd lied. This is where I need some help and advice for myself. It can be a lot. I used to suffer badly with anxiety and also depression in my last relationship, and these conversations, along with other life stresses, have brought my anxiety back. I find it difficult not to take it personally if he does relapse, thinking what did I do wrong, why could he not talk to me this time, and he also goes through times of saying he's not addicted and it's normal. But, from the conversations we've had and the things he's told me, I know there is a problem and so does he. It's just those times he doubts it which are exhausting, as it's like I'm fighting him to see everything he's told me previously. I would really appreciate some advice on how to not take it so personally, so that it doesn't become all I can think about or if it does happen again how I can support him whilst at the same time remain strong minded, so that I can help him, but also myself.
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