Everything posted by tom95
tom95 added a topic in Sex & Porn AddictionNeed HelpMy girlfriend and I have discussed the possibility of myself having a problem, and it seems quite likely to me.
The effects of it were first discovered during sex when I had problems with maintaining an erection and reaching climax. However, I have also been on the maximum dose for my antidepressants, a side effect of which is the problems I've encountered.
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 months now, and this is the first intimate relationship I've ever been in.
My friend told me he was struggling with porn addiction and I wondered if I had it as well, so I brought it up with my girlfriend. She got quite upset since she has been in a relationship with an addict before and it put a terrible mental strain on her and made her very depressed.
I said I thought I had a habit or some kind of problem, so I decided to cut down on doing things on my own. I failed to do this, as I stopped for a couple of days, but more or less, just continued on as normal. I have watched porn and done sexual things on my own almost every day since I was 12, I'm now 23 and these problems are only just catching up to me. Naturally, after doing that for so long, I'm finding it difficult to stop.
My girlfriend and I went about it in the worst possible way first of all. She was very upset about it becoming more and more apparent that I had a problem, so I decided to promise her that I wouldn't do it again. I consider myself a loyal person, so I I told her I wanted it to be a special intimate bond between us, and I meant every word that I said. The way we went about it meant that we placed an emphasis on trust and if I broke that promise it meant I was an untrustworthy boyfriend. This was not the original problem and just made the issue into a bigger one. I would talk to her about how I found it difficult and she would get very upset, so I felt I had nowhere to turn. I discovered this forum through some resources that my GP sent my way after I voiced my concerns to him.
I broke my promise, and still feel guilty about it. It was if I had no choice in the matter, I didn't mean for it to lead to what it did, but I couldn't stop. My body just did its own thing. Naturally, this led to a big argument. I have cut social media sites out of my life, I used to listen to ASMR videos, but I've cut those out since I said they would sometimes lead me to watch more provocative ones, I've given my girlfriend access to my internet history. She would get very upset if I even brought up how difficult it is to stop this, so I became afraid of talking to her about it.
It got to the point where my girlfriend hurt herself because I listened to a sexual video while I was at my desk at work. Then she got angry at me because I looked at a perfectly normal safe-for-work ASMR YouTube channel. At this point, I decided to take away the promises because they were causing more harm than the original issue was in the first place.
Recently, I did something on my own, without any external stimuli, so not watching, looking, or listening to anything. I told her about it and she was upset, which I can understand. It felt as if I had no control over it. I felt sad in the act, knowing this would hurt her, I literally told myself to stop, but I kept going. That is definitely a problem and I want help for it.
How can I help myself and how can my girlfriend support me without putting a mental strain on herself?
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