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  1. PJ added a post in a topic Porn   

    I wouldn't be negative about the various 12 step programmes.  I go to SAA group and it doesn't 'shove religion down your throat' - in fact there is no religion.  Yes a 'higher power' but they are quick to let you define what that high power is.  Groups vary a lot, if one doesn't work, try another.  
    Keep going!
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  2. PJ added a post in a topic Online Resources for Addicts Wanting Help   

    I would add Recovery Nation to your list of website resources - I found it very helpful. www.recoverynation.com
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  3. PJ added a post in a topic Ali   

    Hi Ali, this sort of thing is devastating and you have good reason to feel very upset.  I have come from the otherside, having been married for 22 years, addicted to porn since my teenage years but have now been completely free from it for 2 years now and still married.  From my own experience can suggest that you are honest with him about the fact that you know.  The only hope he has, is if he faces things honestly and lives in rigorous honesty.   This addiction thrives in secrecy and shame.  So the first thing is to bring it into the open.  Tell him that you know.
    Secondly, this can only be beaten with help.  There is a lot of help on the internet - sites like www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk.  
    Others on this site may also recommend how he can get help.  
    Keep going, there is hope.  People do kick the habit.  
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  4. Rena added a topic in Partner Concerns   

    Will things get better?
    Hello,
    I'm new to using forums, and very new to 'being the partner of a sex addict'....
    I need to ask whether it actually gets better. Can someone with strong and long running sexual addiction problems ever get better? Or will I spend the rest of my life paranoid and sick, because I don't trust my partner?
    I know there are no magic formulas for this, and I have had some short term counselling for myself, but I have never experienced anything like this, and neither has anyone I know - that I could speak to about it. My support network is very small because I am confused and ashamed of everything that has happened. There are very few I feel comfortable discussing this with.
    I have been with my partner for 3 years, we are engaged. We have a beautiful life together (besides this). I discovered 7 months ago that he has been cheating on me with numerous people, hundreds of online affairs / inappropriate behaviour, long term secret online girlfriends, porn addiction, shopping addiction, constantly cruising exes, reigniting exes.... it goes on. He has done some incredibly unkind and cruel things, and destroyed the relationship I thought we had. Without going in to too much detail, he has been gaslighting me and deceiving me so deeply and completely for so long, that he still believes his own lies to some extent. I have spent a long time in grief, trauma, despair.. in and out of anxiety and depression.
    I discovered that he has been acting like this for over a decade, and created a huge web of lies for himself which crept across all aspects of his life. Unfortunately he works in pop culture, and is a little 'famous' so there is opportunity for him to access sexy girls pretty much 24/7. The girls he cheats with are all famous models (usually he has dated them), suicide girls, fetish models... nothing like me. I'm a babe, but I'm not a fantasy girl.
    While things are improving significantly, there are still a lot of issues not being addressed. My main problem is that while things feel more level now after a heart breaking period of explanation, new discoveries, digging, therapy for both of us, revelation after revelation... we are both exhausted... I don't think he fully grasps the fact that he has addiction problems. He is directly addressing the core, root problems that caused his unhappiness with a therapist (childhood trauma, recent death of parent), but won't address the acting out behaviour or participate in the directly 'addiction' based things I want to talk about, or work on. He thinks it is all over now that everything has come out in the open. The pressure release was devastating but great, for both of us, but I'm worried it will be damaging for the future for him to sweep it under the carpet. To give him credit, he is working very hard to be better, to change our life, and to demonstrate his love and commitment to me now. I feel a lot of positive changes.

    I want to know how to rebuild trust, and to love him fully again. I don't want to marry someone I don't feel safe with, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling paranoid and crazy. It's truly truly awful.
    Does it get better? Is it possible?
    I believe in the life we have together, and in our future, but when you have been lied to so successfully, so fully, it is hard to trust your own judgement again. I have chosen to stay with him right now, because I am optimistic, but I am cautious.
    I appreciate any words of light, or encouragement.
    Thank you xxx
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  5. Ali added a topic in Sex & Porn Addiction   

    Ali
    Hi,
    Just found this site today, looking for advice. I've just found out my boyfriend of 4 years has been looking at porn websites all the time we have been together. Has made me feel devastated, have no confidence as it is. I found it on his laptop (yes I was snooping) He's goes on it 3xs a week first thing in morning when he gets back from work. This has really upset me, we don't live together, he rings me says love you, miss you then a minute later looking at porn! He also goes on 3xs + a week in evening. He don't know I know what do I do? He's knows my feelings on subject as a while ago a friend caught her husband looking at porn, and I told him about it. Said I would be upset and make me feel insecure about my body. I said to him I don't know why men do it if they had a partner. I just feel when we in bed is he thinking about the porn he has watched? Sorry for long post thanks Ali x
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  6. recoverforever added a post in a topic I am considering doing the 4 day in intensive course...   

    Hi
    Thank you for your honesty and for the courage you have shown in posting this story of your life and your addiction.
    I am a regular attender at two SLAA groups and can honestly say that I have not encountered the same situations that you describe so I would echo GMtherapist's advice and say try and find another group or groups. I first attended a year ago the day after my wife confronted me with her discovery of my acting out. Since then I have managed to maintain sobriety and have actually been celibate for the whole period.
    My life has been transformed and for me two things have played an enormous part in that recovery to date 1) SLAA and 2) The intensive recovery course.
    The intensive course I attended about a month after being discovered, meeting 7 other men with an addiction really helped me to understand what was happening to me in the early stages of recovery and it gave me the starting point to begin to understand what had driven me to this point. Sharing our experiences and our hopes and fears for the future brought us to a better understanding of ourselves and each other and I would say that Rob has described benefits of the course well.
    The course for me provided the foundations from which to begin the process of living in healthy recovery.
    SLAA provides the weekly routine and reminder that recovery is fragile and precious, for me attending these meetings keeps me grounded in my recovery to date. I do not take my recovery for granted and I am grateful each time I attend for this gift of recovery.
    Good luck with your recovery journey 
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  7. Rob added a post in a topic I am considering doing the 4 day in intensive course...   

    Hello,
    It takes a lot of courage to write so honestly about your life and the difficulties you've faced. I can't really connect with all the terrible things that happened to you in your early childhood and am very saddened to read that.
    I can connect a lot though with some of your other feelings and thoughts there, such as the isolation and disconnection. For me, it's also been a depressing time too.
    I have attended Paula's course last year and found it beneficial in a number of ways. Content-wise, I think it adds a lot of structure and depth to material presented in her book. Most of all, I found though that meeting the other guys on the course and us bonding as a group (we still stay in regular contact well over a year now after the course ended) has been the biggest benefit. We all have a lot we can connect with across a whole range of life experience and all know what it's like to face this problem and feel the shame and difficulties. ways forward, the whole spectrum. Forming close relationships with men in a safe environment has been a key part of the healing and recovery experience for me and I wouldn't have been able to do that without Paula's course.
    Personally, I think the 4 day intensive is way too much in one go. I did weekly sessions over a few months and even that felt like it went very fast because I was learning so much about this problem and myself in the meantime. But that's just me and the kind of analytical person I am. I hadn't had any experience with SLAA or other groups before, unlike yourself.
    You're right that nobody can do this for you but equally that doesn't mean you have to do it alone.
    Peace.
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  8. Rob added a topic in Sex & Porn Addiction   

    Online Resources for Addicts Wanting Help
    Here is a list of various links and websites I've collected over the past year or so as I've been tackling my problem with porn.
    I hope they're useful for other guys who come here maybe not knowing very much about porn and sex addiction so you can understand:
    You're not the only person with this problem at allThere is help out there and it's never too late to changeWebsite Resources
    Am I an addict? - A quick test if you're not sure.
    What is Porn Addiction? - A breakdown if you're just getting started learning about this problem.
    Emergency NoFap - A useful quick inspirational site when you're feeling triggered or tempted to remind you why you're becoming a better man. Homepage for me.
    Your Brain On Porn - Huge website containing many resources to educate yourself about the effect of porn on the brain and to get help.
    Reboot Nation - Gabe Deem's website containing another great set of resources and a forum.
    Recovery Nation - Free self-help website for sex addicts, love addicts and porn addicts.
    Fight the New Drug - Buy a t-shirt. Great set of educational material and an eye-opener.
    Porn Addiction is the Best Thing That Happened To Me - Great end-to-end set of resources from a guy who's done it.
    My Thoughts On Rebooting - Very long and detailed set of notes and crucial advice from another guy who's been there and mastered himself. Great stuff. If you've got an hour to look at porn, you've got an hour to read all this.
    50 Reasons to Quit Porn For Good - So many benefits to be gained from shifting this addiction out of your life.
     
    YouTube Videos
    The Great Porn Experiment - Arguably the most revolutionary and revealing TEDx talk about the real nature of pornography and it's impact from Gary Wilson. A must watch if you see nothing else!
    Terry Crews Dirty Little Secret: Part 1 - Hugely inspirational and brutal self-honesty from Mr Crews, much love and respect to him. A great man who's been making real change. Follow the YouTube links to part 2 onwards.
    Why I Stopped Watching Porn - Another brilliant TEDx talk to help you see how things really are. Huge respect to Mr Gavrieli to deliver such a worldclass talk on such a personal topic to so many people.
    We Need to Talk About Sex Addiction - Paula's fantastic TEDx talk, honestly and compassionately understanding sex addiction. 
     
    Other Online Forums
    Your Brain Rebalanced - Huge community of other guys struggling to get their lives back after porn and sexual addiction problems.
    Reboot Nation Forum - Many people here to connect with, mostly addicts but also a small and growing partner's section.
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  9. Rob added a post in a topic Schrödinger's 90 day reboot   

    Mr Schrodinger is still going. He's not given up the change completely but has suffered some setbacks as we all do. I hope very much he will come back here and post some more because his energy and persistence is admirable.
    Your point about making things into a fight is very relevant and something I think a lot of us addicts struggle with - fighting ourselves. I've found moving forward requires me to make peace with myself but that's not a simple thing, it's a process.
    I don't know any guys personally who've decided to quit and then just stayed clean from there on after. Instead, it takes some slips and a lot of learning about yourself, what works and what doesn't along with what you really need and how your life may not be giving that to you, then how I could change that and so on.
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  10. GMTherapist added a post in a topic I am considering doing the 4 day in intensive course...   

    Hi
    thank you for your very honest share here. Your life sounds a real struggle for you now and you have experienced much pain and trauma in your troubled past  I feel that finding connection with others in an intimate but not sexual way is what you are currently missing. Any recovery work that involves a group where you can find fellowship amongst others who will not judge and who will have understanding about your situation will be of most benefit. I think that you are referring to the intensive Hall Recovery course which would be beneficial to you, but as you say is also expensive. If money is an issue could you try to find another SAA or SLAA group where you might feel more comfortable and park some of the reservations you have about the approach? 
    Good luck 
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  11. GMTherapist added a post in a topic Constantly Thinking of sex   

    Hi. It sounds like your fantasies are becoming a problem for you and may be getting out of control. It may be having a negative impact on other aspects of your life such as concentration on your work, your relationship and perhaps your social life. It would be interesting to work out how much of your day is spent in your day dreaming! 
    Fantasies are in themselves not abnormal or problematic, but it's what you then want to do about them and the impact it has on your life that can become problematic. Try to seek some help from groups like SAA or SLAA, or a specialist therapist from ATSAC site 
    Try to find replacement activities to keep your mind busy elsewhere. You could also try, when you're aware of where your thoughts have gone to, to concentrate your thoughts on to something else. 
    Good luck. 
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  12. Mart555888 added a post in a topic Schrödinger's 90 day reboot   

    I wonder what happened? 
    Making things into a fight ....takes enormous amounts of energy ... fighting what exactly.
    i find its best just relax and let the feelings be there and just put attention onto them.
    i think the thing to watch is the linkage between Porn and masturbation or watching porn as a prelude to acting out.
    masturbation in itself is not really harmful and is perfectly natural , like any other bodily function.  
    There are so many different views on this. 
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  13. Mart555888 added a topic in Sex & Porn Addiction   

    I am considering doing the 4 day in intensive course...
    Unmet needs are the underlying problem for me. We all seek love ...to love and be loved. It's a basic need for survival. We cannot survive alone as small children and I never really grew up. To find love requires us to be intimate with others. I was sexually abused from around 5 onwards by a close family male friend who should have been taking care of me.  I was sexually abused by both men and women and other older children. I was sexually abused by my aunt who also abused her son who was the same age as me. She would abuse us together when I stayed at their house. She would put my cousin and I in the same bed and we were having homosexual sex at the age of 7 until we were 10.  We had homosexual sex again when were 17 and on holiday together. I loved him.
    We both married in early 20,s and had children and successful careers. My marriage broke down and my wife left me and my sons after 30 years of happy marriage. I was watching porn in chat rooms and meeting young men while on business trips to London. I was leading a double life.... running a business from home by myself. Before this I had been a high flying media executive working with hundreds of other people. I now realise that I became more and more isolated with no routine. I was breaking down and could not get the help I needed. My GP was giving me more and more antidepressants and other medications which only made me much worse.
    I was totally unaware that I was sexually abused and had repressed all memory of it until I was diagnosing see with complex PTSD and was self admitted to a private trauma clinic at the age of 53. It came out in therapy using EMDR that I was gang raped at the age of 11 by 3 men and two older teenage boys. I have tried to count the number of people who abused me before the age of 16 and I loose count.  I joined the armed forces at the age of 16 and was sexually abused there as well. 
    I am now facing sex addiction .. mainly using internet sites to meet young men and have sex with them. I also visit young female sex workers and watch online pornography. I live with a wonderful woman who I did have a great sex life with but she announced 3 years ago that she no longer wanted to have sex with me...then a month later that she no longer wanted to be a couple. We still live together but as friends. I have been unable to to work very much apart from a small part time job that connects me with serving the public. Running out of money and time is the underlying feeling. I am totally isolated from my family ...my sons and little grandchildren. My ex wife never contacts me. All my previous friends and contacts have left my life . I have a few friends who I meet with locally but it isn't the same as the wide circle and all the roles and interests I have in the past.
    I am healed from my cPTSD and my sex addiction seems to be the last thing I have to deal with. I have attended SLAA before but just don't agree with their contention that sex addiction is a desease that I am powerless over and can only be healed by a higher power. It's a condition  that is brought about by dysfunctional people abusing me and my response to find a solution to the emotional pain and perceived abandonment and lack of love and support. I simply had no boundaries and defenses as a child. This went on into teenage and adulthood. If people hit on me...and they were my type..I would have sex with them. But once I met my wife to be I was totally monogamous for 20 years or so. I started having problems when I lost my high flying job a few years after my beloved Mum died in my arms. 
    Without being conceited I have always attracted attention and had people "hit" on me since I was a teenager...maybe before. At SLAA and CoDA 12 step I found that men and women were using my share information to "hit " on me. I also found that there was not really any support and lots of unhelpful advice in coffee shops after the meetings which is termed fellowship. I was gven information about sex parties and other things I wouldn't want to share here. A whole world of activity that I had no idea is common place in London. I am no prude either.
    Its work in progress. I am thinking about doing the four day intensive course. But I guess that's going to cost a lot of money ... and not sure what I could learn further from attending. I would be grateful if others who have attended the 4 day course could comment.
    i just need to rebuild a structured life of meaningful employment and someone to share my life with and that means going back to a state that I enjoyed for many many years. Nobody can do this for me.
     
     0
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  14. Mart555888 added a post in a topic My addiction has ruined my marriage. I want to change   

    Unmet needs are the underlying problem for me. We all seek love ...to love and be loved. It's a basic need for survival. We cannot survive alone as small children and I never really grew up. To find love requires us to be intimate with others. I was sexually abused from around 5 onwards by a close family male friend who should have been taking care of me.  I was sexually abused by both men and women and other older children. I was sexually abused by my aunt who also abused her son who was the same age as me. She would abuse us together when I stayed at their house. She would put my cousin and I in the same bed and we were having homosexual sex at the age of 7 until we were 10.  We had homosexual sex again when were 17 and on holiday together. I loved him.
    We both married in early 20,s and had children and successful careers. My marriage broke down and my wife left me and my sons after 30 years of happy marriage. I was watching porn in chat rooms and meeting young men while on business trips to London. I was leading a double life.... running a business from home by myself. Before this I had been a high flying media executive working with hundreds of other people. I now realise that I became more and more isolated with no routine. I was breaking down and could not get the help I needed. My GP was giving me more and more antidepressants and other medications which only made me much worse.
    I was totally unaware that I was sexually abused and had repressed all memory of it until I was diagnosing see with complex PTSD and was self admitted to a private trauma clinic at the age of 53. It came out in therapy using EMDR that I was gang raped at the age of 11 by 3 men and two older teenage boys. I have tried to count the number of people who abused me before the age of 16 and I loose count.  I joined the armed forces at the age of 16 and was sexually abused there as well. 
    I am now facing sex addiction .. mainly using internet sites to meet young men and have sex with them. I also visit young female sex workers and watch online pornography. I live with a wonderful woman who I did have a great sex life with but she announced 3 years ago that she no longer wanted to have sex with me...then a month later that she no longer wanted to be a couple. We still live together but as friends. I have been unable to to work very much apart from a small part time job that connects me with serving the public. Running out of money and time is the underlying feeling. I am totally isolated from my family ...my sons and little grandchildren. My ex wife never contacts me. All my previous friends and contacts have left my life . I have a few friends who I meet with locally but it isn't the same as the wide circle and all the roles and interests I have in the past.
    I am healed from my cPTSD and my sex addiction seems to be the last thing I have to deal with. I have attended SLAA before but just don't agree with their contention that sex addiction is a desease that I am powerless over and can only be healed by a higher power. It's a condition  that is brought about by dysfunctional people abusing me and my response to find a solution to the emotional pain and perceived abandonment and lack of love and support. I simply had no boundaries and defenses as a child. This went on into teenage and adulthood. If people hit on me...and they were my type..I would have sex with them. But once I met my wife to be I was totally monogamous for 20 years or so. I started having problems when I lost my high flying job a few years after my beloved Mum died in my arms. 
    Without being conceited I have always attracted attention and had people "hit" on me since I was a teenager...maybe before. At SLAA and CoDA 12 step I found that men and women were using my share information to "hit " on me. I also found that there was not really any support and lots of unhelpful advice in coffee shops after the meetings which is termed fellowship. I was gven information about sex parties and other things I wouldn't want to share here. A whole world of activity that I had no idea is common place in London. I am no prude either.
    Its work in progress. I am thinking about doing the four day intensive course. But I guess that's going to cost a lot of money ... and not sure what I could learn further from attending. I would be grateful if others who have attended the 4 day course could comment.
    i just need to rebuild a structured life of meaningful employment and someone to share my life with and that means going back to a state that I enjoyed for many many years. Nobody can do this for me.
     
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  15. Paula Hall added a post in a topic who can my partner talk to?   

    Hi Jo,
    I can assure you that no-one will judge your husband here.  We've worked with literally hundreds and hundreds of people with this problem and we know how difficult it is.  But as you can see from some of the posts on 'Success Stories' people do get through this.  The support of other people who have been through this is so important and that's why we deliver our group recovery programmes as well and also aftercare groups where people continue to meet and support each other in recovery.  Do encourage your husband to get in touch and we can talk more.  I don't know where you are in the country, but another place to go for help could be one of the 12 step support groups such as SAA or SLAA.  Do google them and see if there's one local to you.  Warmest wishes.
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  16. Paula Hall added a post in a topic Not sure if I have a problem or not...   

    Thanks for writing such an honest post.  It's good to hear a female voice on the forum to remind us that this problem can affect anyone.
    It certainly sounds like you have a problem, but whether that's 'addiction' to sex or just a different desire to your partner is hard to know.  Regrettably we often want what we can't have even more, so it may be his lack of interest that is driving your desire more than anything else.  You know something is an addiction when you feel dependent on it.  When it becomes the most important thing in your life that pre-occupies you.  Also when not being able to access your 'drug of choice' leaves you feeling low or irritable and the search for it starts causing problems in other areas of your life.  It may be that a session with a therapist would help you to think these issues through.  Certainly a question I would ask is whether or not this has been a problem for you in previous relationships and whether you've ever struggled with other types of addiction or if addiction is in your family of origin at all.  Do take a look around the rest of this site for more information and you might find the 'Am I an Addict? assessment tool helpful too.  Do get in touch with us if you'd like a one-off session to explore - many of us are sex and couple therapists as well so we can help you - whatever the correct 'definition' might be.  Best wishes.;
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  17. PJ added a post in a topic A year into recovery   

    Hi, yes, I am now 2 years and a month into recovery and slip free (other than a minor slip at 9 months).  Paula tells me that after two years one's recovery is well established.  I feel great!  
    Other than my wife, SAA has worked very well for me as an additional support.  I would recommend something like that to everyone.
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  18. Tortoise added a post in a topic Hello, I'm a porn addict.   

    Thanks for the advice PatBatemanBlog.
    I am currently in the process of seeing psychiatric professionals for something else, and have talked a them about this, so will seek a referral from them to the relevant specialist.
     
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  19. freeduzor added a post in a topic Constantly Thinking of sex   

    Hi,
    Thinking about sex is usually common among guys. But if you think yours is something out of the ordinary then you really have to do something about it really fast before you start acting out your fantasies and that can land you in jail. You should read up how sexual addiction works here: Sex Addiction - The Problem, The Routines and Vicious Cycle.
    I hope this helps
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  20. freeduzor added a post in a topic HI Serial porn addict and cheater   

    Hi Dave..
    Trying to be free from porn addiction on your own is not almost possible. First of all, make up your mind that you want to STOP pornography viewing... no matter how many times you fail, dust yourself up and GET UP! You should find someone you can be accountable to... Not your wife... someone you really respect. Your baby really needs you clean and sane...look around you for meetings and counseling. You can also read up on how porn addiction effects your life and causes,effects and remedies to porn addiction.
    I hope this helps
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  21. PatBatemanBlog added a post in a topic Hello, I'm a porn addict.   

    Hi tortoise,
     
    I received help for porn addiction from psychosexual therapy. I was forwarded to them by my GP, so I'd say that's your first line of inquiry. You may be able to get sessions after sitting on a wait list for a while. Tell your wife it's sessions for confidence building if you have to, that's what I told my parents. It wasn't a lie, just not all of the truth.
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  22. Tortoise added a post in a topic Hello, I'm a porn addict.   

    Hi Atwitsend, Hi Workinprogress, Hi 10, Hi Rob. and hi to anyone else reading this?
    Sorry this is just a brief post. I'm just checking in to ask, how are you all doing? 
    I don't really have a lot in the way of new insight or discussion as I am trying to find distraction from my addiction in the huge amount of studying I have to do at the moment. With varying degrees of success day to day. God, this is difficult! But I just wanted to say that I have not forgotten about you all, and that includes anyone else reading this who has similiar issues and who recognises bits of their story in those of others who've posted in this whole forum. For by reading your posts and knowing there are others out there going through similar experiences, it really helps. And when I read a comment such as 
    still encouraged by posts like yours, Tortoise. Keep up the good fight!
    from you Atwitsend, it in turn encourages me.  "It has occurred to me how important this process of positive feed back and inspiration goes.
    I'm sorry if it seems to any of you that there are particular points raised by things you've posted that I've not attempted to answer, or if any of my posts have seemed too self-centered or anything like that. It's tricky isn't it? How wrapped up we can become in our own problems when trying to figure this all out and recover, whereas yet at the same time I suppose this is a process of mental self-examination and analysis.   
    Sorry also if this is all a bit "all over the place."
    Anyway, take care everyone, and as you said Atwitsend, keep up the good fight!
     
      
     
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  23. Ian Baker added a post in a topic HI Serial porn addict and cheater   

    Hi Dave 42
     
    you can donwnload the self help tool kit http://www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk/index.php/component/content/category/19-kick-start-recovery
    and there are a couple of books too which will relate to this. Look up SAA, or SA, or SLAA and see which groups exist in your area. but there are also on line groups too. Group work is wonderful to supporting recovery , especially for accountability , honesty and sharing.
    BW
    Ian Paula Hall Associate
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  24. Tortoise added a post in a topic Constantly Thinking of sex   

    Me too.
    You are not alone. You've made an important first step by reaching out.
    It's not only good to share thoughts about this, for me, I find it's essential. 
    I actually came to the forum this morning as an alternative to looking at a P site. I needed to remind myself why I'm making this effort to stop. It helps!  
    Best wishes to all, and keep fighting!  
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  25. PatBatemanBlog added a post in a topic HI Serial porn addict and cheater   

    My GP forwarded me to psychotherapy for porn addiction which was very helpful. I'd say that was a first step. It sounds like your partner wants you to get help, so I'd recommend starting there. If the first GP doesn't help, try another at the same surgery. I'd say be wary of SLAA and other support groups as they will probably force feed you Christian stuff, guilt trip you and will ignore science.
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